Drawing

Being completely open I have needed a bit of help to process some recent happenings as there has been too much for me to process in such a short time. As an artist who uses themselves as a model for their work, whether it be physically or metaphorically, I do think there is some importance to try be open in areas where I can. In doing so this not only helps my art practice visually, as currently I am exploring my neurodivergence as a tool rather than a theme, but it can also help the behind-the-scenes such as research and writings.

Going back on my medication as a precaution has quietened down my thoughts from racing 100 miles an hour. This has also pared back my visual hallucinations to a minimum. Faces are now faces—no longer muddled features that blur the boundary of what I believe to be true. Eyes are typical. Noses are normal. And a mouth speaks without tongues. It is all standard. What it should be. I find this to be unfamiliar territory.

As my brain settled, I found myself browsing through old childhood photos just waiting for some similarity to pop up. I needed to remind myself that I once experienced normalcy. I decided to pick out a few of these photos to transfer them into my drawing as the final layering.

My brain has erased these moments as a form of self protection. As I draw these memories, trying to recount what a neurotypical world feels like, I find myself questioning why someone would want to hurt her? Would my work be what it is today if it wasn't for the experiences I have had?

I wonder if writing down these thoughts is relateable to people? If these types of development can take my work to places I have never thought of? If there is some form of story that can grow continuously in a never-ending pattern?

As this work is nearing its final stages before being separated into individual A5 drawings and installed into its space, I will go over the layer in magenta, refining some details and adding more notes as I go along.

Is this work final once being installed? or can I continue notetaking as I install the work? The documentation of measurements and planning of the install space is just another thought to add. If I am treating this work as a notebook/sketchpad, it may be important to add these plans on top in one way or another.