Masking in Neurodivergence

Imagine waking up each day and mentally preparing for a performance; not on stage, but in every conversation, classroom, workplace, or even with close friends and family. Not pretending to be someone completely different, but editing and adjusting parts of yourself so that you will be easier to understand, easier to like, and easier to keep around.

This is whats known as masking. It is a form of self-protection often used by people with neurodivergent minds. Masking is often an unconscious or learned coping mechanism, particularly common among neurodivergent individuals (eg. Those with ADHD, personality/anxiety disorders, autism, etc.) It's a tiring, invisible labour of morphing yourself into what is 'expected', rather than what is 'true'. A neurodivergent mind masks to fit within a neurotypical world. In other words, an 'abnormal mind' changing the way it is perceived to work within/alongside situations that are stereotypically considered 'normal'.

Common reasons why people mask include (but not limited to):

• To be accepted by peers, family, and colleagues.

• To prevent prejudice or bullying.

• To avoid social rejection and fit in with societal norms.

• To reduce discomfort in environments that are not nurodivergent-friendly.

• To prevent criticism or punishment, particularly in school settings.

What can it look like?:

• Smiling when you're anxious or deeply uncomfortable, because showing distree might push people away.

• Forcing eye contact even though it feels unnatural or too intense, because you've learned people think you're being rude or dishonest if you don't.

• Copying how others talk, laugh, or move. Not to manipulate, but to blend in.

• Hiding deep emotions like excitement, frustration, or fear to appear more 'neutral' or 'stable'.

• Saying yes when you mean no. Saying "it's fine" when it isn't.

• Rehersing text messages/conversation for 20+ minutes. Editing your personality like a draft.

• Nodding along in conversation even if you're lost, because asking questions might expose how different you feel inside.

These behaviours do not seem unusual on their own, but when multiple are continuously used in everyday life they can become your default mode of being, creating a difficult disconnect between yourself and the portrayal of which you show to others. Over time, this can lead to what is often described as a fragmented identity. When you mask for long enough, it becomes extremely hard for you to know which version of yourself is 'real'. This kind of identity fragmentation isn't about being inauthentic or indecisive, it becomes a mode of survival; trying to be consistent for others while feeling inconsistent within yourself. Depending on who's around, you morph into the surrounding 'ideal person', constantly scanning cues on how to act, planning what to say, and figuring out which parts of yourself are safe to show.

People who often mask, deeply long to be known and accepted, but also fear of possible consequences if they do drop the mask. They may feel unworthy of the connections they crave unless they are "on their best behaviour". They adapt quickly to new situations yet feel like a stranger in their own skin. It can be described as trying to build a home in a place where the ground is always shifting. In his book Unmasking Autism, Dr. Devon Price states "Most of us are haunted by the sense there's something 'wrong' or 'missing' in our lives–that we're sacrificing far more of ourselves than other people in order to get by and receiving far less in return."

As someone who has a neurodivergent mind, my most significant form of masking is the trait of mirroring. Mirroring is when someone unconsciously copies or mimics the behaviour, speech patterns, facial expressions, and/or body language of the people around them. Again mirroring, being a trait of masking, is a way to stay safe, gain acceptance, and avoid conflict or rejection. Over time, mirroring can contribute to a fragmented identity because it becomes hard to tell where others end and you start.

Note: Could this be fuelling my interest in portraiture? More-so my interest in using my own image?

• Charity, The Brain. “What Is Masking, What Does It Look like and How Can It Affect People?” The Brain Charity, September 16, 2023. https://www.thebraincharity.org.uk/what-is-masking/.

• Price, Devon. Unmasking Autism : The Power of Embracing Our Hidden Neurodiversity. London, Uk: Conran Octopus, 2022.

• Team, BetterHelp Editorial. “Neurodiversity Masking: Why People Mask, and How to Be Yourself | BetterHelp.” Betterhelp.com. BetterHelp, March 5, 2024. https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/inclusive-mental-health/neurodiversity-masking-why-people-mask-and-how-to-be-your-authentic-self/.