Thoughts

Is it fair for me to say that sometimes I feel stupid? And no I don't mean that to be a harsh way of thinking about myself. I mean that as a way of acknowledging that I don't understand even the simplest of things.

I like research, and I like to do things to understand as much as can. I analyse things in detail. Look at the deeper meaning of things, but no matter how much I analyse, research or think, I can only ever understand the surface level of things.

I can quite easily contradict myself with my previous statement of surface level understanding, and have an extensive, in-depth conversation about WW2, the 1972 MG BGT with all original chrome fittings, music (in particular the lore/story of the Twenty One Pilots discography), and don't even get me started on my retained memory of movies and documentaries.

When I say 'understanding the surface level of things', it tends to be linked to anything directly about me or the things that I do. When I get these questions my mind goes blank. I resort to saying "I don't know". But the truth is do know, I just don't know how to explain it. I can't verbalise my thoughts, or put them into written words.

I have been thinking about this a lot, as recently I have been asked "why drawing?", and it keeps playing on my mind. There are the histories of drawing, as well as many traditions. It is cultural across the world, and it is a language that everyone can understand, but I feel like I can't use that as an answer. I decided to write my answer on my current BOW as I want to integrate my thoughts into the drawing.

"I Keep getting asked "WHY DRAWING?", and I can't answer that question by bringing up the histories or traditions of it. That's the wrong answer, at least for me. I can't find the right words to describe how it feels. I like painting, but that just feels like I am using a paintbrush with paint, whereas a pencil feels like an extension of my body. A drawing doesn't come from the pencil. It comes from the tip of my finger. I can feel the texture of the page tingling through my hand and up my arm. I can see the details. I can feel the details. So why drawing? It feels right. IT FEELS LIKE ME"